Don’t marry another entrepreneur (we did anyway)
Hey there,
Somewhere in between scrolling LinkedIn this past week and noting how every founder accredited success to their vibe coded (naturally) AI system that also teaches your entire family Mandarin, I thought to myself….this ain’t it.
I was mid-eye-roll, resisting the urge to comment “SYSTEM” like the 1,689 people ahead of me, when my husband walked in and said, “Don’t worry about camp pickup, I’ve got them. Dinner’s in the oven.”
Now THAT is the success hack. A baller spouse. Or partner. Or common law marriage. Whatever your label is.
Not the AI agents.
I’m in my 9th year without a paycheck stub and while I definitely have systems that have kept me in this game way past the average founder, my iron clad systems are no match for the guy I come home too.
Too many entrepreneurs don’t discuss the conditions on which they are allowed to thrive… or burn out in a nervous system brush fire.
The person you live with decides whether entrepreneurship is the good kind of hard or the kind that breaks you.
You can do everything right -great product, on-fire funnel, the whole thing – and if you’re coming home to someone who drains you or is just sort of an a$$.
None of it will hold.
But what happens when both of you are entrepreneurs (first off… don’t do it!! 🫠🫠🫠) I’m only sort of kidding.
Here’s where my situation got complicated.
MY ROCK also needs A ROCK- in only the way an “on the edge” entrepreneur understands.
And I’m not going to sugar coat it… it’s very hard to be on both sides.
When we moved to Lisbon in August 2023, my husband ended up losing the corporate job we’d planned everything around (including me being able to BREATHE for a hot nanosecond out of the NYC hustle to reflect where I wanted to take my storytelling business.)
But that wasn’t in the life plan🫠🫠🫠🫠 Because Portugal hates “Aperol Spritz on a beach Patrice.”
The options that presented were him taking a job in London and commuting to Lisbon.. Um hard no.
Moving back to NYC to take a job… months after getting to Lisbon. Hard no.
ORRRR….. him taking a bet on himself and starting a fractional growth marketing business.
So now I’m married to another entrepreneur.
There’s a reason the advice is always “one of you should have the stable job.” Because yeah…it’s easier that way and financial momentum takes a while and 3 kids and WTF are we BOTH doing this!? And hold up where’s the 401K matches?! and, and and and and…..
But we’re like F IT! YOLO. LET’S ADD SOME MORE STRESS on top of a new international move and zero certainty how any of this will turn out.
Here’s a few things I’ve learned (often the hard way) in this professional chapter.. And if you’re not married to another entrepreneur this probably holds as well:
1. You cannot (outwardly) both fall apart at the same time.
When Olly started out and we were brand new to Lisbon -six months in with no family-like friends yet, no community, no one to call – I was really his ONLY cheerleader.
Even when I was internally screaming “this is the WORST idea EVER.” or laying awake at night with anxiety. But then I kept remembering how he cheered me on when I left my steady salary to start my own thing.
My turn to return the favor.
2. You will never switch off. Ever.
When both people care deeply about their own thing, every dinner becomes a board meeting.
Every walk becomes a strategy session.
At some point one of you says “are we really talking about go-to-market strategy AGAIN?” And the answer is always yes.
And then I die a little inside and lament how boring we are but then go straight back into ‘TELL ME EVERYTHING ABOUT #$&% GO! .”
We’re a work in progress and we’re starting to be better about “OK no work talk!!” **crickets.. 🙂
3. The layoff headlines stop scaring you.
Many of my professional peers are at the point in their careers where they’re playing defense — watching the ceiling, wondering if they’re about to get pushed out.
Freaking out about AI.
Bonuses.
What they’d do if they were laid off.
Olly and I don’t.
Yes it’s terrifying to have SO MUCH freedom.. But a bad boss that leaves you with a pit in your stomach and gives you an arbitrary performance review that ruins your Friday… no thank you.
And I’d be lying if sometimes I do look at my peers ascending into the C-suite after planting roots in the ground and wondering, “did we REALLY make the right choice?”
Some days I honestly don’t know. But then I think about our three boys watching their parents take a bet on themselves and spend a hell of a lot of time with them.
They know Mom and Dad run their own businesses. They see the pros AND the cons. And I have to believe that watching us choose uncertainty over comfort will pay off for them in ways we can’t measure yet.
Or we’re just giving their future therapists a lot of material.
Few more things.
Olly is officially a power user for My StoryPro and has accidentally become our biggest enterprise advocate.
When your partner finally gets fully into “hunt and kill” client mode, he has to reshape his own narrative, close deals, and package a seriously zigzagged corporate background into something that speaks to his current ideal audience.
Olly’s been using My StoryPro to do exactly that — and it’s working.
Enterprise wasn’t even on my radar when I launched… and now it’s knocking on our door.
FUN FACT:
This is how Adobe became the powerhouse company it did.
Their Individual users (AKA creators) were so obsessed with the product they kept asking their places of employment to bring it in-house, which is how we are getting into all these doors organically with MyStory Pro.
It’s very exciting but also very stressful.
More on that next month as I don’t want to jinx anything!
But if you want to try the tool that even my husband uses on the daily (not by force I swear!!!) to unearth hard-to-see insights on himself AND his clients.
Try MyStoryPro free for 7 days!
And one more thing.. if you’re in Chicago, I’m hosting a casual get-together on Tuesday, August 4th. Time (probably like 6ish) and location TBD (somewhere downtown, maybe Bucktown…it depends where we end up staying that week as I’m about to be full nomadic for the next month.)
Here is a survey getting a headcount.
Just a drink, a hug, a glass of water, some REAL HUMAN IRL conversation!
A few of you have already replied but you don’t want to see my inbox so if you could reply to the survey with your email I’ll confirm the location next week.
OK! That’s it from me.
Two entrepreneurs, three kids, a foreign country and one AI platform somehow holding the whole thing together.
Some days it feels insane. Reckless even.
Most days it feels like the best decision we’ve ever made.
If you’re in this boat too… married/living with another founder, betting on yourselves, quietly wondering if you’re nuts… hit reply and tell me.
I read every one.
See some of you in Chicago.
XO
Patrice
